Genes and Jeans
So I decided I needed some new jeans the other day. The ones I currently have are stained, too small (it's no big secret I've gained some poundage) or too trendy, so I just wanted a decent-looking pair of jeans that looked clean and fit well. I went to Kohl's, my Mecca for inexpensive clothes with an easy, no-hassle return policy.
Let's cover something here: I HATE trying things on. You know those women who will go to stores, try on a million things and leave without buying anything? I'm not one of those women. I'm one of those who goes through the store loading up my cart with sale-rack items only to get to the check-out line and meticulously pick over my selections so I spend less than $60 for as much as possible. As opposed to putting back my discarded selections, I inconvenience the check-out person with my pile of rejects. I then get home, where I try on my newly-discovered bargains while my cat plays in the bag. If they don't fit, they go back in the bag to get covered with fur and stored in my car for an unprecedented amount of time before they are exchanged back at the store for some other crap that probably doesn't fit, either. You can see how economic this process is. (Yes, I'm being incredibly sarcastic.)
Anyway, I went to Kohl's and exchanged a pair of jeans and a skirt I had bought weeks before. The jeans, which were the same size, brand and material as another pair I own and fit well, didn't fit. Go figure. So after returning them, I went into the junior's section, only to find most of the jeans were cheaply made, trendy and came with some gaudy belt I'd never wear. Next option was misses casual dress, which is the section I get my work clothes in. Nada. Ziltch. The only jeans they had that I liked weren't in my size. OK... I'm getting desperate... Time to check the section for 30 and 40 somethings... Misses...
There they were - racks and stacks of regular jeans, or so I thought. Do you realize that if Levi's changes one number in their model it is a significant difference? Who the hell wears acid wash any more? Where do they find the women who fit into, buy, or are willing to wear off black jeans with silver bangles? Seriously, all I want is a NORMAL pair of boot-cut jeans with a little stretch to them, preferably 2 inches too long.
After trying on 3 pairs that didn't fit well or had a hideous tint to them, I glanced toward the women's section, full of "slimming" styles that only fit better with age. After noticing a bulge of silver popping up from over the tops of the racks, I was ready to leave.
OK, I'm ready to take my clearence bras and get the hell out, but not until I have one more glance through the fairly normal-looking stacks of pants, which was completely unorganized. After a few minutes of thrashing the piles (I noticed a few disgruntled employees watching me do this), I found a pair that looked pretty good. Color was nice, fit was right... now what size was it? 14S. S for short or slim. These are NOT going to fit. They'll be too... too... SOMETHING. Yeah, they fit.
I hate trying shit on.
~*PEACE*~
Let's cover something here: I HATE trying things on. You know those women who will go to stores, try on a million things and leave without buying anything? I'm not one of those women. I'm one of those who goes through the store loading up my cart with sale-rack items only to get to the check-out line and meticulously pick over my selections so I spend less than $60 for as much as possible. As opposed to putting back my discarded selections, I inconvenience the check-out person with my pile of rejects. I then get home, where I try on my newly-discovered bargains while my cat plays in the bag. If they don't fit, they go back in the bag to get covered with fur and stored in my car for an unprecedented amount of time before they are exchanged back at the store for some other crap that probably doesn't fit, either. You can see how economic this process is. (Yes, I'm being incredibly sarcastic.)
Anyway, I went to Kohl's and exchanged a pair of jeans and a skirt I had bought weeks before. The jeans, which were the same size, brand and material as another pair I own and fit well, didn't fit. Go figure. So after returning them, I went into the junior's section, only to find most of the jeans were cheaply made, trendy and came with some gaudy belt I'd never wear. Next option was misses casual dress, which is the section I get my work clothes in. Nada. Ziltch. The only jeans they had that I liked weren't in my size. OK... I'm getting desperate... Time to check the section for 30 and 40 somethings... Misses...
There they were - racks and stacks of regular jeans, or so I thought. Do you realize that if Levi's changes one number in their model it is a significant difference? Who the hell wears acid wash any more? Where do they find the women who fit into, buy, or are willing to wear off black jeans with silver bangles? Seriously, all I want is a NORMAL pair of boot-cut jeans with a little stretch to them, preferably 2 inches too long.
After trying on 3 pairs that didn't fit well or had a hideous tint to them, I glanced toward the women's section, full of "slimming" styles that only fit better with age. After noticing a bulge of silver popping up from over the tops of the racks, I was ready to leave.
OK, I'm ready to take my clearence bras and get the hell out, but not until I have one more glance through the fairly normal-looking stacks of pants, which was completely unorganized. After a few minutes of thrashing the piles (I noticed a few disgruntled employees watching me do this), I found a pair that looked pretty good. Color was nice, fit was right... now what size was it? 14S. S for short or slim. These are NOT going to fit. They'll be too... too... SOMETHING. Yeah, they fit.
I hate trying shit on.
~*PEACE*~
about 8 hours later:
about 13 hours later:
about 24 hours later:
My suggestion: slander them on the Internet. That'll show 'em...
I'm so lame.
7 days later: