It's about damn time!
I hadn't posted in a while, so here goes.
I'm nearly done with my class at SWIC, and yes, I think I could have gotten through that class while using only a crayon. I feel bad saying that, as some people are struggling in this HTML course. I think its just a lack of exposure, really. From watching the prof., its pretty difficult to teach. I think he (and the book) could have done a better job introducing HTML to the students, but he certainly worked with what he had. Regardless, the final is next Tuesday and he is going over each and every question and answer immediately before we take the test. Still, there are people panicking. Oh. My. Lord. Just study the material and do the homework, people.
I'm so glad that I've been keeping up with more people lately. I don't ever forget how much my friends mean to me, but sometimes I forget how much I enjoy them. Sarah, Tori, Chip, Matt, Joe, Joey, Foreman, Kerb, & others... Thank you. Its nice to know I'm around.
So I guess I'll talk about something I've been avoiding for some time. Back in January, I heard a radio commercial for a research study regarding clinical depression. For those of you who don't know, Major (or clinical) Depression was the diagnosis that denied my application into the military. Symptoms include (for me): headaches, dry mouth, crying spells, thoughts of suicide, avoidance activities, frequent colds, and excessive weight gain, to name a few. I went to the study site in Edwardsville and I started a perscription... possibly. I have a 75% chance of being on something, but its a double-blind study, so I really don't know. Anyway, this is what has happened so far:
At first nothing changed. I was just sad and irritable all the time. Cried all the time. Nearly each evening on the drive home I contemplated totaling my car with me in it. Let's just say it was bad. I checked in with the doctor each week and the diagnosis stayed the same. I was convinced I was on placebo, as I couldn't feel any changes.
After about 2 months of taking carefully regimented medication and meeting with the doctor every Wednesday morning, to no avail. His reaction was, "Don't worry, we won't leave you this way." According to the study, you have to complete the medication regardess of the reaction in order to test it fully and properly. It is very controlled and you can opt out at any time, or the doctors can pull you. You are provided with 24-hour emergency numbers and a card to carry on your person at all times explaining the study in case of a problem. After the study completes or you pull out, they'll offer you psychological help for up to 2 months to make sure you're OK. This is all at no charge. Basically, you will get a real perscription if the fake one doesn't work.
Anyway, a few weeks ago, I noticed a change. I wasn't so much sad, as everything around me was. I saw the world as a sad place that I was in, not as I was sad in a happy world. It was odd. A week later, I felt normal. Really, truly normal as I haven't felt since freshman year in college. So normal, in fact, that I was able to function once again. I could think on my own, make decisions with confidence, and enjoy myself when I left the comfort of my home and familiar surroundings. I've felt normal ever since.
It's amazing! I'm confident, happy, friendly me. I can think clearly, I have motivation and I just plain enjoy life.
The doctor had said it could take more than a month to really make a difference. I don't know if its the pills, the weather, or just me. Regardless, I'm so glad to be just me again I could burst! Not many of you have seen me at my worst, but those who have know its not pretty. I remember the look of pain and fright on my mom's face when she came over one night, and Frank just rubbing my back, telling me we were going to get me help as I bawled for what seemed like hours.
For those who were affected and never knew, sorry bout cha. Its tough to talk about and even harder to face.
I actually bought stock in Wyeth Pharm., the compay doing the study. That's how good I feel.
Please leave questions & comments. I'm always shocked by who in all keeps up with me.
~*PEACE*~
I'm nearly done with my class at SWIC, and yes, I think I could have gotten through that class while using only a crayon. I feel bad saying that, as some people are struggling in this HTML course. I think its just a lack of exposure, really. From watching the prof., its pretty difficult to teach. I think he (and the book) could have done a better job introducing HTML to the students, but he certainly worked with what he had. Regardless, the final is next Tuesday and he is going over each and every question and answer immediately before we take the test. Still, there are people panicking. Oh. My. Lord. Just study the material and do the homework, people.
I'm so glad that I've been keeping up with more people lately. I don't ever forget how much my friends mean to me, but sometimes I forget how much I enjoy them. Sarah, Tori, Chip, Matt, Joe, Joey, Foreman, Kerb, & others... Thank you. Its nice to know I'm around.
So I guess I'll talk about something I've been avoiding for some time. Back in January, I heard a radio commercial for a research study regarding clinical depression. For those of you who don't know, Major (or clinical) Depression was the diagnosis that denied my application into the military. Symptoms include (for me): headaches, dry mouth, crying spells, thoughts of suicide, avoidance activities, frequent colds, and excessive weight gain, to name a few. I went to the study site in Edwardsville and I started a perscription... possibly. I have a 75% chance of being on something, but its a double-blind study, so I really don't know. Anyway, this is what has happened so far:
At first nothing changed. I was just sad and irritable all the time. Cried all the time. Nearly each evening on the drive home I contemplated totaling my car with me in it. Let's just say it was bad. I checked in with the doctor each week and the diagnosis stayed the same. I was convinced I was on placebo, as I couldn't feel any changes.
After about 2 months of taking carefully regimented medication and meeting with the doctor every Wednesday morning, to no avail. His reaction was, "Don't worry, we won't leave you this way." According to the study, you have to complete the medication regardess of the reaction in order to test it fully and properly. It is very controlled and you can opt out at any time, or the doctors can pull you. You are provided with 24-hour emergency numbers and a card to carry on your person at all times explaining the study in case of a problem. After the study completes or you pull out, they'll offer you psychological help for up to 2 months to make sure you're OK. This is all at no charge. Basically, you will get a real perscription if the fake one doesn't work.
Anyway, a few weeks ago, I noticed a change. I wasn't so much sad, as everything around me was. I saw the world as a sad place that I was in, not as I was sad in a happy world. It was odd. A week later, I felt normal. Really, truly normal as I haven't felt since freshman year in college. So normal, in fact, that I was able to function once again. I could think on my own, make decisions with confidence, and enjoy myself when I left the comfort of my home and familiar surroundings. I've felt normal ever since.
It's amazing! I'm confident, happy, friendly me. I can think clearly, I have motivation and I just plain enjoy life.
The doctor had said it could take more than a month to really make a difference. I don't know if its the pills, the weather, or just me. Regardless, I'm so glad to be just me again I could burst! Not many of you have seen me at my worst, but those who have know its not pretty. I remember the look of pain and fright on my mom's face when she came over one night, and Frank just rubbing my back, telling me we were going to get me help as I bawled for what seemed like hours.
For those who were affected and never knew, sorry bout cha. Its tough to talk about and even harder to face.
I actually bought stock in Wyeth Pharm., the compay doing the study. That's how good I feel.
Please leave questions & comments. I'm always shocked by who in all keeps up with me.
~*PEACE*~
about 6 hours later:
about 13 hours later:
1 day later:
3 days later:
3 days later: