Color Me Lethargic.

I suppose I should start by saying what I am doing. Currently I am sitting in the basement of the MUC listening to some really bad music (of which I truly enjoy) and I have just finished watching King Lear. Yes, I’ve already read the play, but I needed a review without having to go through the slow and painful brutality that is reading Shakespeare. I really do enjoy his works in action, but I cannot read plays. OK, I can read Oscar Wilde well enough, but Shakespeare is too much for me.

Anyway, I just reread my last post and made a simple conclusion: I should probably proofread my own work before posting next time.

I received some feedback via both comments and AIM (thank you, lovely readers), so I feel the need to further the previous conversation with myself.

There are a few things that perhaps I should first mention.

1.) For the most part, I am currently in love, but not with the person I live with nor the way any of you may think it is to be ‘in love.’ Again, it is complicated and I prefer not to embarass myself or another by posting more than that. However, I will mention that, to me, he is the one person I have met in all my (21) years that I would truly consider being faithful to, as well as playing the role of the ‘good little wifey.’ Sad, isn’t it? Admittedly, I’m really bad at the whole ‘relationship’ thing that everyone seems to enjoy so much. Perhaps I should explain myself.

2.) Well, I have this great habit of meeting someone, letting them fall for me, and letting them down by pushing them off a cliff. Harsh as it may be, I find little remorse thinking of my past actions. The whole dating process is nice, so I have no qualms there. It’s when it becomes more complicated… I think I tend to find the ones that want to settle down, is my problem. Under no circumstances am I ready or willing to settle down and begin a career or a family, and I pick the idiots that think I can complete their life for whatever reason.

3.) Let’s get this straight: I tell the guys I date, from the very beginning, that I’m not worth a fight and that I don’t have the best reputation when it comes to keeping good, healthy relationships. In fact, on our first date, I told Mike that I was expecting nothing more than a free meal and some much-needed time away from Prairie. I told him that I tend to cheat on guys (hmmm… at least 3) and that I was not looking for, nor wanting, a relationship of any kind. I also told him that GregE was to call the police if I wasn’t back by 8pm. (It’s all true!)

4.) I don’t play games. I don’t lie. I really can’t handle it when a guy doesn’t give me the same respect. I get mad and I start running my mouth, which, as some can tell you, can get really brutal. I tell you whatever it is that will piss you off the most. Before we broke up, I told Mike, “I’ve given you every reason to leave me: I’ve downed you to your face and to my friends, I’m mean to you - I don’t know how you have any self-esteem left - and I’m generaly a bitch to you and your family.” The sad part is… it’s all true.

5.) OK, I’m not gloating. Let it be known that I’m not at all proud of my actions to him or others that I’ve so unromantically left behind. I’m simply saying that these guys just sit back and take it! It boggles my mind how I can pick out the guys that can take a beating like that.

6.) Granted, I’ve been pretty good to some of my ex’s, as well. I’ve treated Nick and Mike the worst, probably, but there was another I really should have treated better and I didn’t. Most of you know him… Regardless, that’s one of those I really do regret. There were two more I completely blew off, which were Mike T. and Jerimey, and I sometimes feel a little bad about the latter, but not the former.

7.) I haven’t been hurt (or unceremoniously dumped) in a long time. Not since high school, anyway. Yeah, admittedly, David hurt me, but I look at the person he’s become and cast down my eyes (great friend, usually, but he’s currently out of his own skin and may return sometime in the next few years). Before that it was Adam, but we don’t have to worry about him any more, I suppose, although I have had some really weird and wonderful dreams since his death.

OK, well, I guess this is as far as I’m going to get for now, as I’ve grown tired of typing and there are far better things (like homework) that I should be doing. I appreciate any and all comments, so free to do so, even if it is anonymous.

If anyone out there still considers dating me (besides my one), I find you ill and masochistic.

To all of you currently in love and quite happy in the relationship you’re in - I respect you and am quite happy for you. I hope you long and enjoyable lives in your current happiness.

Take note: I’m not looking for advice, just sharing my thoughts.

~PEACE~

Love is so complicated. Well, maybe it’s just complicated because its my life and that tends to be the general way things go here, but I think this one goes for everyone.

First off, how do you know you’re in love? Movies tell us that ‘you just know’ - WRONG. I am one of many guilty parties that has admitted love when it was not there. I think that was the hormones talking, in some cases. That, and I feel really bad if someone says they love me and the only respose I have is either “Gee, thanks,” or “That’s so sweet”. Regardless, its not exactly the reaction they’re wanting. I’ve found that the only way you now is that you’re wiling to put up with all that shit you later complain about post-breakup. Through this, I’ve come to find that some believe that you can only truly love one person in your lifetime. Excuse me, that’s my bullshit alarm going off. OK, I’m back. Seriously, if that were the case, wouldn’t you constantly be questioning your decision on who you’re with? I mean, I do that anyway, but that’s just because I’m an evil bitch when it comes to dating. I know I would constanly be wondering if I was with that person I was destined to be with or if, by some fluke accident, I either passed him up or he’s coming around any time. Eh, whatever.

Secondly, how does one properly express love? Valentine’s Day is complete bullshit - basically its an amnesty day for all of us dating-impaired individuals to either make up for what we screwed up all year long or to eat a pint of ice cream while sitting nude and watching Sex in the City and feeling sorry for ourselves. Yeah, picture that one for the next week or so. NUDE. Regardless, that is not how you express love for yourself or your significant other. Some do it with flowers and candy (again, with the bullshit alarm), others with reservations to a fancy restaurant. We all know what the end result ought to be: SEX. Well, seriously, why date anyone really if you’re not willing to sleep with them? Why else date someone than to possible consummate the relationship. If it weren’t for sex, we’d all (not exist) be on friendly terms and not have to worry about all that questioning crap and I wouldn’t be writing this on my dot com. Why woo another but to coax them into bed? Sure, you like their company, but you on’t see me sleeping with all my guy friends. So… is sex the way to show love? Hmmmm… I would say doubtful. I know I’ve slept with people I didn’t care too much for, let alone love. C’mon, Stone’s in that bunch (oooh, burn!). I’m just playin. ANYWAY, I really can’t say that sex is the ultimate show of affection.

So what is? I’ll tell you: Putting up with all that petty bullshit when you could just as easily walk out the door. That’s it. Problem solved.

So, next time you think you’re in love with a person, wait until they throw a temper tantrum (and they will), then judge your feelings.

This is why I’m chaste, right Dad? :-D

I’ve made some mistakes in my day. I’m well aware of this. Regardless, there are somethings I’d really rather not deal with.
Case in point: New Years party at Justin and Sarah’s. not only did I make a complete ass of myself, but I single-handedly ruined two perfectly good friendships. Stone did mention that I made the party intersting, though. I just wish I could have done it without being “that drunk girl.” Sarah and Ian - sorry about the mess. You know, I really don’t know how to throw a good party. I guess I don’t have the space and I end up stressing out about it to the point where I drive off others, but still. What constitutes a good party? Alcohol? Cards? Darts? Music? Games? Seriously, somebody help me here. Well, I really have nothing incredibly intelligent to mention, so I’ll leave you with this: Group Dynamics of Greg S., Foreman, and Myself. These are as recalled and posted by Mr. Greg Skelly, whom I had the pleasure of meeting via Mike Foreman last Friday. Enjoy.

Lindsey: I’m kind of a bitch.

Greg: Well, I’m glad you’re here. You balance me out.

Lindsey: Huh?

Greg: ‘Cuz I’m so romantical.

Lindsey: Hahahahaha!

Greg: I like cuddling and all that.

Lindsey: I don’t. I’m not really girly. I don’t even really like women. Women are so passive-aggressive.

Greg: I don’t think I could ever live with a bunch of women. I hate female group dynamics… but then, I hate male group dynamics, too.

Lindsey: It would depend on the guys. You guys, I think it’d be okay. But not with some uber-masculine guys.

Greg: What’cha talkin’? I’M uber-masculine.

Lindsey: Hahahahahahahahah!

Mike: What? I’m uber-masculine too.

Lindsey: I laugh at you too, just not as hard.

Greg: I’m only being passive tonight because of a medical condition.

Lindsey: See, you can’t even keep a straight face while saying that.

Greg: Whatever. If I hadn’t thrown out my back, I’d be standing on top of this table, saying “Who’s the asshole now?”

Mike and Lindsey: Hahahahahahahaha!

Greg: I’m glad you guys got that.

Just so everyone knows, we finished off the evening by watching Mean Girls, which was surprisingly good. Evening started 11:30pm at Mac’s, went to Steak n’ Shake where this conversation occurred, and then ended at Foreman’s apartment to watch the movie. Best of all worlds. ~Peace~

So I just upgraded my internet protection to Norton Internet Security 2006, which seems like a pretty good program. However, if you want to get it yourself, I’d suggest running to the store as opposed to getting the downloaded version.

Not only do I have to pay an extra $7 to have it available to download any time during the next year (in case my hard drive rashes - God forbid), but I had to install it twice before it started running properly. Thank Jay for Firefox.

Overall, though, it seems like a really good program. It has a lot of features I don’t need (like SPAM protection), but its really useful when it comes to upgrades and firewall use. Unlike Windows firewall, it lets you know when a hit is blocked. For just under $60 for the whole shabang, I think its worth it. After this a renewal subscription is only $40, I think.

Anyway, the point is, don’t download it, just go to the store or order it off the internet.

As for the new site, I hope everyone approves. I went through GoDaddy.com for the domain name (Chip’s idea) and they gave me a lot of really nice, inexpensive options. For this site for 2 years was under $20. Plus, they called me this morning to make sure everything was running properly. I’ll reccommend them here and now. See - I did it.

Chip’s hosting this thing for me, which is really cool of him. It took a lot of reconfiguring last night (lots of really complicated code stuff that I don’t really understand but he finds entertaining) but its up and running now, so schweet. He’s going to set up a personal e-mail server through here, as well (lindsey@lindseyarnold.com), so it’ll be fully functional.

I have to admit, it took some getting used to with the new program, but I really like Typo. It incorporates a certain amount of HTML, which I can read and correct, and I really like the setup.

Here’s to Norton, GoDaddy.com, Chip, and Typo. Cheers!

If you don’t know me, you’re in for a boring read. Actually, every so often I may decide to have a worthwhile post, but, for the most part, this is just my semi-daily ramblings about life. I hope to make this better than my old Xanga site, but, hey, we won’t aim too low here. Thanks again, Chip for hosting via ChipBilbrey.com!